Question: Who is teaching proper concert etiquette today?

Answer: Sadly, almost nobody.

It’s the end of the school year, so it’s time for the year-end concerts. My teens are performers, participating in high school orchestra, choir and theater. At every single performance (or so it seems), audience behavior just gets worse. Concert etiquette just doesn’t seem to be something anyone cares about, these days.

Now, I’m a firm believer in “If you see something, say something.” But my family has disallowed me from confronting the increasingly rude and annoying audience members who always seem to sit around us. So instead, I post passive-aggressive messages on Facebook. A few examples:

Of course, I would never hit a woman—or anyone—and don’t call complete strangers “beeyotches” (at least, not to their faces). Joking about this stuff helps keep my head from exploding. The key follow-up question here is:

Why are so many people such inconsiderate clods?

The answer is simple:

They’re not being taught not to be.

No Perfect World

Nobody expects absolute silence during any performance. There’s no such thing as a distraction-free concert. We know people are going to cough, babies are going to fuss, toddlers are going to babble. And yes, electronic devices are going to make noise. We accept that.

But with each passing school year, I’m seeing more and more audience members exhibiting behavior that far exceeds the bounds of acceptability. Here are a few recent examples:

• During a high school choir concert last year, a woman showed up with six kids, ages two through nine. Instead of sitting in the middle of the pack where she could monitor her kids’ behavior, she sat on the far end of the group, chatting with a friend as they showed each other photos on their phones. Meanwhile, the youngest two kids talked and kicked my chair during the entire performance, and the mom never even noticed.
• It never fails—even when the conductor doesn’t drop his hands between the movements of a multi-part piece, at least 20 percent of the audience applauds anyway.
• A man behind me in a choir concert took photo after photo with a digital camera. Every single time he pressed the button, his camera (which doesn’t have an actual shutter) made a loud, simulated shutter sound. Every. Single. F**king. Time. (The sound is easily disabled in the settings, but he just didn’t bother.)
• While my kids’ orchestra was performing, at least three women sat in the auditorium with screaming babies, resolutely refusing to miss even one second of the performance, and consequently, spoiling it for everyone.
• During the performance of a serious play (“The Diary of Anne Frank”), a dad sat behind me with his three-year-old, who was playing some sort of beepy game on a tablet with the sound on. So while the Nazis stormed the Secret Annex, it was to a soundtrack of “Boing! Boing! Crunch! Wahoo!”
• At just about every choir concert, during the silence as the singers file up onto the risers, we inevitably hear some family yell in unison, “All right, Beelzebub!” or “Way to go, Adolph!” (or whatever their kid’s name is).  From the grins on their dopey faces, you can tell they think this is clever and funny. It’s neither.

Arts in the Schools … Why Bother?

Why do we have arts education in schools in the first place? I think there are actually a couple of great reasons for our schools to have choir, band, orchestra, theater and dance programs. The main goal, of course, is to introduce children to the arts. I know plenty of examples of kids who have discovered a love for artistic expression because they decided to take a choir class or try out for the school play. Another reason is to give these children an opportunity to perform. How many kids would ever sing or dance or act on stage—in their entire lives—if they didn’t get the chance in school? Not many, I reckon.

A final reason is to give the students’ families an exposure to the arts. I’d wager that most (not some, but most) of the kids in choir, band, orchestra and other performing arts come from families with almost no direct involvement in the arts. How many parents would never hear a concerto if their own kid wasn’t playing it? How many youngsters would never see a musical unless an older brother or sister is in the ensemble? Lots, I reckon.

Does School Concert Etiquette Really Matter?

Seriously, is there really anything wrong with people behaving at concerts the way they do at high school football games? Absolutely. This kind of rude, inappropriate behavior is detrimental to arts programs for three reasons.

1. It’s distracting to the performers

Excessive noise and other interruptions can take the performers out of the moment and reduce the impact of their performance. I know from experience that performing in front of a noisy or inattentive audience is both difficult and frustrating. It’s hard to focus on your notes or your lines when all you hear is the screeching two-year-old in the fourth row. It’s difficult to give a truly emotional performance with multiple, audible conversations going on in the seats.

Better audiences lead to better performances, plain and simple.

2. It’s distracting to the audience

Last Wednesday was the final orchestra concert of my son’s high school career. (My daughter is a sophomore, so she’ll have more performances.) One of the pieces they played was the exquisitely moving “Chaconne for After a Storm” by Chad Cannon. Seriously, click on the link and give it a listen. When you’re done, try listening again with a crying baby in the room. Not so moving anymore, is it?

The old man with the noisy hearing aid didn’t intend to ruin the concert for me. He probably couldn’t even hear the sound. But how is it possible that his wife and extended family never noticed that hideous, fingernails-on-the-chalkboard whining? After a while, that was all I could hear. Just like the crying babies, at a particular point the distraction takes over and the performance becomes background noise. It’s infuriating. It’s got to stop.

3. It fosters bad habits

Eventually, one would hope, both the students and their families will have another opportunity to see more live performances. Maybe it’ll be a jazz concert, or a play at the community theater. Maybe they’ll actually seek out a symphony featuring a composer or composition they were first exposed to in high school. If and when this happens, it’s critical for concert- and theater-goers to know the proper etiquette so they don’t ruin things for other performers and other audiences.

In other words, better audiences at school performances mean better audiences at all performances. The problem is, regardless of the quality of any given performing group, I don’t see many educators making an effort to improve the quality of their audiences. We’re just not teaching concert etiquette, and that needs to change.

A Solution That Works

The first step to solving the problem of concert etiquette is admitting the problem exists.

It exists. And it’s a problem. But there are solutions.

The second step is what I call “giving a crap.” If you can’t manage this part, you probably shouldn’t be an educator. ‘Nuff said.

If you get past the first and second steps, good for you! It sounds like you want to (a) foster respect for your student performers and (b) improve the quality of your performances by (c) raising the level of concert etiquette in your community. Hooray! Here’s how to make that happen.

1. Prepare Your Students and Audiences

Before each performance, review concert etiquette expectations with your students. You could provide a handout for them to take home, or you might send an email to parents to educate them about appropriate behavior. You can be diplomatic. But you should also be direct. You’ll find a suggested draft of an email below.

2. Print a Notice in Your Program

Remember: in general, people don’t know what’s expected of them unless they’re told. So tell them! Print a conspicuous notice in your program detailing acceptable (and unacceptable) behavior. Naturally, you’ll want to tailor your messaging to your own school and/or community. I have provided two different examples of program notes below.

3. Make a Pre-show Announcement

Before the house lights dim, call everyone’s attention to the notice in the program. Read it out loud … or even better, have a student read it. Call attention to the elephant (or crying baby) in the room. Then point out where parents can take their children if they become disruptive. Be polite, but frank. You may surprise some people. You may even shame a few. I guarantee, though, that you’ll have a whole lot of parents cheering silently in their seats: “Thank you! Thank you!”

4. Provide an Alternate Viewing/Listening Experience

FOMO is a just new term for an age-old problem. Fear of Missing Out is real. I think we all recognize that one of the main reasons crying babies or rambunctious children don’t get taken outside is that their parents don’t want to miss the performance. So make it easy for them not to.

Video and audio technology is cheap and ubiquitous. Most arts programs already have the necessary technology to set up a closed video screen and speakers in the lobby, with a direct feed of the performance in progress. Heck—any school could actually webcast their concerts for viewing over the internet. If you’ve got the equipment, why not set it up and use it? Taking this relatively simple step can mean a world of difference for audiences. Families with disruptive children can still watch the show out in the lobby without ruining it for everyone else.

5. Enforce Etiquette Standards

One last word: ushers. I mean, why not? Here’s where the various arts programs can help each other out. The band kids can volunteer as ushers for the choir concerts. The choir kids can … er … ush for the drama productions. Working together, with a single standard of behavior, the arts students themselves can help improve the behavior of their collective audiences. It’ll keep them all invested in the process, and hopefully set an example for others when it’s their turn to watch a performance.

Yes, some training would be required, but think of the potential results! Instead of fuming about yet another performance spoiled by a cranky baby, an educator can focus on the creating an excellent performance while student ushers help harried moms or dads out into the lobby.

Isn’t It Worth a Try?

This may seem like a lot of work. Effective education generally is. But I’ll make a prediction. Better concert etiquette will lead to better concerts. Better concerts will lead to better students and better programs.

I suggest that a sincere effort to raise the level of behavior in live school performances has the potential to raise the level of the arts programs themselves. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

---

Sample Concert Etiquette Email to Parents

Dear Parent:

Our upcoming concert, [Title of Concert] will be held [Date and Time] at [Venue]. We look forward to seeing you there!

We spent some time in class today reviewing appropriate concert etiquette with our students. Please take a moment to read through the handout I sent home. (You can also find the information on the school website at [URL].) It’s important for everyone in the [School Name] community to understand and follow the same rules of behavior.

If you have young children who may disrupt the performance, please consider leaving them with a babysitter or family member. Please plan to arrive early enough to park and get into the auditorium well before the performance begins. If you arrive late, you will be seated during the next appropriate break.

If you’re bringing friends or family members, please ask them to remain quiet and attentive during the performance so everyone can enjoy the show. Crying babies and noisy children should be taken to the lobby. Everyone will appreciate this courtesy … especially our student performers!

Again, thank you for supporting the [Choir/Band/Orchestra/Theater] program at [School Name]. We look forward to a great performance.

Sincerely,

[Signature]

Sample Concert Etiquette Program Notice: Version 1

CONCERT ETIQUETTE

Our students, your children, are being taught much more than music. As a part of their performance experience, we hope to teach them the proper behavior expected at a formal non-sporting event like a concert. We need your help with this part of their education.

For the sake of the performers and other audience members, please silence your cell phones at the beginning of the performance. If you’re taking pictures or video, make sure your flash is off and any device sounds are muted.

We encourage applause at the appropriate times, but please do not clap between the movements. Also, please don’t shout or whistle or call out students’ names.

Also, if young (or even not-so-young) children become disruptive, please take them out immediately so the other families can enjoy the performance. If it becomes necessary to leave the performance hall for any other reason, please do so between selections and as quietly as possible.

Thank you for your polite attention. We hope you enjoy the show.

 Concert Etiquette: It’s All About Respect!

Thank you for encouraging proper respect for our performers.

1. Please silence your cell phone or any other device that makes noise. This includes any sounds made by cameras or camera apps, watch alarms, and calendar reminders. It also includes devices given to younger children to keep them entertained during the performance.
2. Please don’t make noise during the performance. It’s disrespectful to the performers and to those around you. If you must unwrap a mint or cough drop, please do so between songs or during applause.
3. Please remain seated for the entire program—not just your child’s portion. Other people are supporting your child’s performance, and it’s courteous to support the performances of other people’s children.
4. Keep your non-performing children, whatever their ages, with you at all times and insist that they sit quietly.
5. Please take disruptive children out of the auditorium. Keep in mind that others want to hear, and possibly record, this performance. Some performances are not appropriate for very young children, so consider a babysitter next time if you have a child who is not yet ready to sit quietly through a performance.
6. Please hold your applause until the conductor’s hands come down. Some musical works have more than one section, and it’s not appropriate to clap until the entire piece has been performed.
7. Please do not shout, whistle, wave or try to distract the performers as they enter, perform or exit. They want to be focused and perform their best for you!
8. If other audience members or their children become disruptive, please feel free to use stink eye, social shaming, pepper spray, martial arts, or any other method at your disposal to correct the situation.
9. Enjoy the show!

OK, maybe #8 isn’t entirely appropriate. But the rest should be spot-on. Go and educate!